State of the Union

Hubby has been going to SA (sex addiction) meetings for about a month now. This is like 12-stepping for the porn-addicted crowd. He is enthusiastic about it, and I would like to be also, but a person can only be burned so many times before you let go of the flame. It is just another stage of the ongoing addiction cycle. This is the repentance stage. Repentance typically slips into the addictive behavior again; sometimes sooner/sometimes later. Continued addictive behavior results in hubby becoming moody and agitated because he is feeling guilty and having to hide things from me. Addictive behavior eventually results in getting CAUGHT, which then leads to anger and hubby lashing out at me/blaming me/denial. Once he calms down, we are right back to Repentance. The only good thing about this stage is that at least he is mostly nice to me and the kids and he is trying to be helpful around the house and trying to be considerate of me and the kids. The bad part is knowing that it will eventually die off and Asshole Man will take over again. Ugh.
This is where faith kicks in. For me, the faith of choice is Buddhism. A main teaching of Buddhism is that of acceptance of what is and the practice of finding joy in any circumstance. So I am focusing my energy on finding joy and letting go of the negative things: anger, hurt feelings, disappointment that my life is not the way I want it, my marriage is not what I thought it would be, my future is uncertain. Joy is abundant in the life of my three beautiful daughters, my friends, my job, the warm winter we are having here this year, my cats, bountiful holiday dining, the Democrats kicking Republican butt, you name it.
That's it for tonight. Hopefully next time I want to write it won't take me so much time to log on and I can get straight to the business of blogging.

Namaste!