25 Thinking Errors for Addicts

I don't remember where I originally saw this, but it hits the proverbial nail right on the head!

1. Excuses This thinking error allows the addict to have a reason for everything and anything. Whenever the addict is held accountable for actions, excuses are automatically given. The addict has a reason for everything and the addict will carefully concentrate on the reason, or the excuse, something has happened, rather than accepting responsibility for what has happened.
Example: "I had a bad childhood."
"My was an alcoholic."
"My family is/was poor."
"My sex drive is higher than normal."

2. Blaming The addict, who is using the thinking error of blaming, can find an excuse to not solve a problem. When the addict blames others, the addict is no longer responsible. Blaming can also be used to build up resentment toward someone else for "causing" whatever has happened. Through the blaming technique, the addict can be angry at, or have his/her family angry at "someone else", rather than the addict.

Examples: "My spouse hates sex."
"My wife's girlfriend is so hot. She's the one who came on to me."
"The trouble with you is that you are always looking at me in a critical way."

3. Pity Pot Addicts do not like to feel as though they are wrong. Addicts will feel better, if they can get others to feel sorry for them. The "pity pot" is when the addict says things or does things in order to get others to feel sorry for him/her.
Examples: "My wife probably won't stick this out with me, so why should I stay sober?"
"Why should I ask questions? My questions are never right."
"I have had to struggle all my life."

4. Justifying Justifying is very much like blaming or excuse making, in that when the addict justifies, the addict has found a way of explaining the reason for things. When the addict justifies, he/she always finds reasons for why things are the way they are. The addict does not want to recognize that things are the way they are because of the addict, so he/she finds ways to explain things.

Examples:
"She really needed the money, so I paid her for sex."
"He was unhappy in his marriage too."
"My wife wouldn't have sex with me, what's a man to do?"

5. Redefining The process of redefining is shifting the focus of an issue to avoid solving the problem. Redefining is also used as a power play to get the focus away from the addict. Redefining allows the addict to avoid looking at the real issue.

Examples: Q: "Why didn't you do your 12-step work for this week?" A: "I've done my work for the last three weeks."
Q: "Do you have your money saved for your therapist?" A: "I'm very concerned about the professionalism of my therapist."

6. Pet Me The addict is usually very selfish and only thinks of his/her needs. When the addict comes into therapy, he/she often needs to set up other people so that his/her needs are constantly being met. The addict will want to do things so that he/she receives "pats on the head." The addict wants to be noticed, cuddled, and certainly wants to avoid feeling badly. Examples of this kind of behavior are when the addict purposely acts in ways so that others will notice or applaud. If the addicts are to hand in written assignments to the secretary, the addict who is using the "pet me" thinking error, will want to hand in the assignment personally to the therapist. Another example of the "pet me" thinking error is when the addict completes assignments for the purpose of gaining approval from the therapist rather than for the purpose of learning or changing behavior.

7. Lying Lying is one of the most common thinking errors used by addicts. Lying is done in many different ways. Lying is used to confuse, distort, or make fools of other people. There are three kinds of lies: Making up things that are simply not true, partial truth where certain parts of the truth are left out, and Behavior or acts that are not accurate or that suggests something that is not true.

Examples:
1. Making up things that are simply not true. This kind of lie is simple and clear. The addict simply says things that are not true and that have not happened.
2. The second kind of lie is when the addict states things that are partly true, but the addict carefully leaves out certain things. The addict is not being truthful by leaving out things, but what the addict is actually saying is true.
3. The third kind of lie is when the addict behaves or acts in a way that is not accurate or that suggests something that is not true. The addict may show support for someone else, when, in fact, the addict is actually being critical of the person. By showing support for the person, the addict may encourage the person to make a mistake, which, in turn, makes the addict look better. It is not so much that the addict is saying things that are not true, but the addict is behaving in a way that will be misinterpreted by others. An example of this kind of lie would occur when a group member makes a statement that is foolish or incorrect and another addict, who is using this technique, will give the group member positive feedback or show the group member support. The group member is who is making a mistake will make even greater mistakes because of the support of the addict who is using this technique of lying. The addict is lying by supporting an incorrect behavior.

8. Uniqueness This thinking error allows the addict to believe that he/she is so special that the therapy or contract rules are for others. This thinking error allows the addict to make himself/herself different from all of the other addicts. The addict uses this thinking error to say "I am worse than the other addicts, therefore, I am not like everyone else," or "I am better than the other addicts and, therefore, the rules do not apply in the same manner to me." This thinking error will be observed in therapy when addicts do not listen to what other addicts are saying and only participate in group when therapists are speaking directly to them. While other addicts are talking, the addict using this thinking error will appear to be bored or will daydream. When assignments are given, the addict will need direct instructions, rather than recognizing himself/herself as being part of the group. The addict is saying, "I'm different, I need special attention."

9. Making Fools Of This technique allows the addict to make fools of other people. The addict feels power and control when other people are depending on him/her. If the addict can keep everyone else waiting, hoping, and wondering, the addict will be in a powerful position. As the addict sees other people depending on him/her, the addict will abuse others by failing, so that other people look like fools for counting on the addict. The best example of this kind of thinking process is when the addict receives a compliment for work completed in therapy. As soon as the therapist indicates the addict has succeeded, the addict can make the therapist seem foolish by failing at the next assignment. This is very tempting for addicts to do and is often more rewarding than actually making progress in therapy.

10. Assuming Addicts spend time believing or thinking that they are so powerful, they know how others think and feel. Addicts typically do not check the facts and do not actually care what other people think and feel. The addict assumes what others are thinking and feeling because the addict is arrogant and believes himself/herself to b e that powerful. The addict actually does not conceive of other individuals having unique thoughts, feelings, and attitudes.

Examples: "I didn't go to the meeting because I knew it would be all right since it was raining." "Well, she was wearing a skimpy shirt and tight shorts, so I just knew she wanted to have sex with me."

11. Fact Stacking The addict uses the technique of fact stacking so that even though the addict is telling the truth, the way in which the facts are explained helps the addict feel powerful, comfortable and certainly not like an addict. The addict arranges the facts for his/her benefit.

Examples: Fact: "The babysitter asked for more money." Additional facts omitted by the addict. The addict gave the babysitter money only if she/he would give sexual favors.

12. Phoniness This thinking error occurs when the addict pretends or projects himself/herself as being cooperative and helpful while, in fact, a great deal of manipulation is taking place. The addict always thinks of himself/herself first. When the addict is being phony by being nice to others, there is always something that will be owed back to the addict. The addict will pretend or cooperate to be helpful and, at the same time, the addict is saying to himself/herself "since I am nice, you must be nice to me."

13. Minimizing Minimizing is a common technique used by addicts to allow them to believe that what they have done is not really important. The addict will look at reality and find one aspect of it to minimize. Therefore, he/she can minimize the entire act. When the addict minimizes, their actions become unimportant, insignificant, and not really as bad.

Examples: "At least I didn't penetrate."
"We didn't have sex, we only talked."
"I only slept with him once."

14. Vagueness Vagueness is a clear and intentioned action to avoid being pinned down. If the addict is vague and unclear, then the reality of his/her actions can never be examined. In vagueness, the addict will fail in assignments, will only hear what he/she wants to hear, and the addict will seem to be "stumbling innocently" in therapy. If the addict can be vague and unsure, the addict will not have to work or look at the reality of his/her crime.

15. Anger Addicts can use anger to manipulate and control others. If the addict is confronted with a behavior that is inappropriate, outrage and anger can cause all the attention to be given to the anger, rather than to criticism toward the addict. When the addict demonstrates tantrums, aggression, and outrage, he/she gains the center stage and everyone tends to focus on the anger, rather than on the addict.

16. Secretiveness The addict uses a veil of secrecy to avoid looking at the reality of the situation. The addict may talk about the importance of confidentiality and use that issue to prevent himself/herself from establishing an honest relationship in therapy. The addict may maintain a status of secrecy under the pretense that confidentiality is more important than openness and honesty. The addict may do everything he/she can to avoid giving others information about the addict's past. If the addict keeps secrets, and others want the addict to give up secrets, the addict has power and control.

17. Keeping Score Often, the addict will be angry and hostile internally and rather than working on these feelings, the addict will choose to keep track of mistakes others make rather than express anger in a healthy way. If the addict is criticized, the addict will avoid looking at the criticism and instead, will attempt to keep track of the criticisms other addicts are receiving. The addict will computerize and calculate to find out if he/she is receiving more criticisms than other addicts. The addict will become very "busy" with this KEEPING SCORE technique and because the addict is involved with this process, the addict will avoid doing work.
18. Grandiosity Addicts use grandiosity to make little things turn into very important things. As the addict makes a very big deal out of something, the issues that were more important, become less important. The addict will not only focus his/her attention to something insignificant, but can often get others to focus their attention away from the reality of the addict's actions and onto something insignificant. This technique often is called "setting brush fires" as the addict would like to focus attention in a very dramatic and grandiose manner away from the reality of the addict's situation. In a very controlled, dramatic and grand manner, the addict will set little brush fires of controversy and inquiry toward things that are insignificant and the most significant things will be discounted or left without examination.

19. Victim Status The addict will often want to present himself/herself as a victim in order to manipulate and control others. This is a form of passive- aggressive behavior and it is often exerted toward people who care about the addict. If the addict can become a victim of others, then usually those who are close to the addict will rush to his/her rescue and the crime committed by the addict will be overlooked. In using the technique of VICTIM STATUS, the addict may develop problems such as illness or depression, the addict may appear to be financially devastated or the addict may want to talk about his/her abuse as a child. If the addict can become a victim, then the addict does not have to recognize himself/herself as a addict.

20. Let's Fight The addict is a person who often uses the technique of getting others to fight while he/she can stand back and be an innocent bystander. As the addict manipulates and controls others into becoming aggressive and hostile toward each other, the addict can become a shining example of maturity. The addict will often provide information that will be upsetting to some people so that others will "fight". The addict may then enter into the conflict and set up the conflict so that other people look like fools in their hysteria and their "fighting", then the addict may resolve the conflict and appear to be in control and powerful. This is especially true when addicts attempt to cause conflict between therapists or between the addict's family and the therapist. If "others" fight, the addict is innocent.

21. Puzzlement The addict will often present himself/herself as puzzled and confused about the reality of the situation. The addict will present genuine concern about issues, but by feigning confusion, others around him/her will take it upon themselves to figure out the confusion. The addict will appear to be cooperative and will appear to be attempting to follow the rules and comply with therapy. In reality, the addict is simply presenting the puzzle to others and standing back while other people try to help him/her figure out the puzzle. Addicts in understanding the guidelines of therapy especially use this technique. If the addict can remain puzzled and confused, the addict will not have to follow the rules and will actually control others as they put forth hours and hours of effort to help the addict understand.

22. Helpless This thinking error occurs when addicts present themselves as being helpless, incapable and in need of others. The addict will enjoy talking about his/her inability to write, inability to concentrate, inability to understand the rules and, in general, present himself/herself as a person "needing help." The addict will always ask to have assignments repeated, the addict will appear to be confused, and the addict will enjoy talking about depression, sickness, frustration and problems. As the addict is helpless, others will be called upon to "help" the addict. This is simply another way that the addict can be in control of others. Additionally, if the addict is helpless, the addict is incapable of accepting responsibility for his/her actions.

23. You're OK, I'm OK Addicts often use the technique of being extremely positive in order to avoid looking at reality of the crime that has been committed. The addict will often work hard at being cooperative, helpful and supportive of others. Rather than thinking about the crime and the damage that has been caused to a victim, the addict will put forth effort into thinking positive in a generic way. The addict may be the person in group who wishes to give compliments and who will be constantly humorous. The addict may want to initiate activities or assignments that will make others feel better. In actuality, the addict does not care to have an "air" of happiness or positiveness in the group, but he/she carries on in this manner so that the negative aspects of the crime that has been committed will be avoided. By using this technique, the addict wants everything to be positive so that the addict, in turn, is positive and acceptable. Most people desire positive attitudes and because of this tendency, the addict will usually find it easy to control others. If the addict can manipulate others into thinking in positive terms, the addict has control and the addict will not have to look at the reality of the crime that has been committed.

24. My Way Addicts tend to have great needs for power. Addicts also do not want to be under the control or power of someone else. Addicts tend to want things to be done on their terms and under their conditions. When this thinking error is used, addicts will appear not to listen to what question is being asked and will simply, when called upon, answer the question that they wanted to answer. If a certain rule has been established, such as "doorknob therapy", the addict will continue to wish to discuss issues after group. The addict may appear to be intellectually incompetent since he/she cannot follow directions and does not appear to be hearing what has been assigned. In actuality, the addict is simply saying, "I will do it my way" regardless of, rules, regulations and guidelines.

25. The Hop Overs Addicts use the thinking errors of The Hop Overs as they learn the technique of diverting the conversation to something more comfortable. If the addict is asked about one issue, he/she may "HOP OVER" to another issue or an issue that is related, but not exactly what pertained to the question.

Examples: Q: "Why didn't you complete your 12-step assignment?"
A: "Are you aware that there are some individuals who believe recovery is possible without the 12-steps?"

The addict, by hopping over the real question, often can have control over others if others respond to the question the addict asked. "HOP OVERS" allow the addict the technique of keeping everyone else moving about, answering questions while the addict avoids dealing with the crime that has been committed.